We’ve all been customers. And we’ve all had the kind of customer service experiences that make us throw up our hands in frustration, curse invisible representatives on the other end of the phone line, and shed tears of despair and fistfuls of hair.
Nothing is more discouraging than feeling like a helpless co-dependent when the person you’re relying on is an uninformed, unfriendly, unsympathetic doomsday prophet. Here’s a list of the best worst phrases that customers love to hate. If you’re in the business of client pleasing, take notes!
- I don’t know. You’ll have to ask someone else. There’s nothing better than reaching out to the designated customer service team when you’re having a digital or technical meltdown only to be told that the person responsible for helping you can do nothing more than shove you and your problems on to someone else. The only thing that makes this better is waiting on hold for another 30 minutes while listening to a “made for customer dissatisfaction” music mix.
- Nope. Why opt for a thoughtful and reassuring explanation of the issue when you can just shoot down the customer’s hopes and dreams of a viable solution with one word. Nope. Satisfying customers for generations.
- Please calm down. What always calms someone down? A snarky customer representative telling them to calm down of course!
- It’s not our fault. Translation for customer. It’s YOUR fault.
- Sorry, but that’s our policy. No one likes a rebel. It’s best to avoid thinking outside of the box, to stick with what you know, and to never question whether or not your customers are satisfied with your products and services. Yes. A formula for long-term success!
- That’s never happened before. It is so incredibly comforting for a customer to hear that their problem is one that has never occurred before and, by default, for which there is most likely no ready solution. Great news to pass along to someone desperate for answers!
- Just go to our website. This telephone number/online chat/e-mail address is only here for show. Do not use it unless you have thoroughly researched your problems on our website. Better yet, just don’t use it!
- You did that wrong. See number 4.
- I'm sorry, but we’re terribly busy. What better way to tell customers that you have not one iota of sympathy for their situation and any inconvenience it might be causing them. Extra bonus points for tugging on the customers’ heartstrings and garnering a little sympathy for your company’s poorly managed service system.
- Oh, that's going to be expensive. How about you just ignore your problems and issues and save yourself loads of cash? Definitely don’t opt for these super expensive fixes and solutions… NOPE!